Here's to getting it right, and getting it wrong.

Sometimes you’re on a train and it feels like you’ve set off, but you haven’t, it’s just the train next to you is going the other way.

Sometimes you’re on a racing bike and it feels like you’re a better cyclist, but you aren’t, it’s just because this bike is faster than your old one.

Sometimes you’re walking out of your house and it feels colder than when you walked in, but it’s not, it’s just that you got used to the temperature inside.

Sometimes you’re on a night out and you don’t feel drunk, but you are, you’re just not as drunk as the guy you’re helping throw up into the bathtub.

Sometimes you’re thinking your first relationship was your best, but it wasn’t, it’s just that everything between you felt stronger because it was pure and you had no expectations.

Sometimes you’re looking in the mirror and you think you need a haircut, but you don’t, it’s just because you’ve stared at your hair for so long you see how it winds, curls and splits.

Sometimes you’ve eaten a Sunday dinner and you feel fat, but you’re not, you’re just full.

Sometimes you’re looking at your son and you think he’s the best looking boy in his school, but he isn’t, nature’s just programmed you to think that so you take care of him and continue our species.

Sometimes you’re eating your grandma’s bramble and apple pie with cream and it tastes like the best pie in the world, but it isn’t, it’s just that it reminds you of when you ate it as a kid.

Sometimes you’re swiping through photos of smiley people with their families and friends, and everyone seems to have it all figured out, but they don’t, it’s just their successes are more visible than their failures.

Sometimes you’re about to share something with a group of people and there’s a feeling in your gut telling you it’s wrong, but it’s not, everyone gets butterflies before this kind of thing.

Sometimes you’re on a train and it feels like you’ve set off, and you have, because you can feel the engine’s vibrations through your seat.

Sometimes you’re on a racing bike and it feels like you’re a better cyclist, and you are, because your old bike was too small for you and with this one you can get more power in the pedals.

Sometimes you’re walking out of your flat and it feels colder than when you walked in, and it is, so you go back in to get a jacket.

Sometimes you’re on a night out and you don’t feel drunk, and you aren’t, because you’re not really feeling it.

Sometimes you’re thinking your first relationship was your best, and it was, but you ended it because you thought you needed to play the field.

Sometimes you’re looking in the mirror and think you need a haircut, and you do, because you can see how it comes down over your ears.

Sometimes you’ve eaten a Sunday dinner and you feel fat, and you are, your body is trying to tell you to do something about it.

Sometimes you’re looking at your son and you think he’s the best looking boy in his school, and he is, so maybe sign him up to a modelling agency or something.

Sometimes you’re eating your grandma’s bramble and apple pie with cream and it tastes like the best pie in the world, and it is, so write down the recipe and it might make you rich someday.

Sometimes you’re swiping through photos of smiley people with their families and friends, and everyone seems to have it all figured out, and they do, maybe you should see it as a step-by-step guide for your own life.

Sometimes you’re about to share something with a group of people and there’s a feeling in your gut telling you it’s wrong, and it is, you’re making a big mistake.

Here’s to getting it right, and getting it wrong.

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'Ambition'

A response to: “We’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars…” – Oscar Wilde.

The Gutter was real, but Stars were my muse;
In the Gutter I dwelled, bored but patient.
My time would come through a fear not to lose
The chance to ‘make good’, and plans were hastened.

My first tracks were slow, but others drove me
To the Stars I aimed, through charm and appeal.
My flight was clear for those below to see,
But to them I was blind; they were concealed.

On my bold journey, I never thought twice.
Exhausted yet encouraged, I went on.
Some travelled fast while others dropped like flies.
Kin watched with pride, till the voyage was done.

Among the Stars, I consumed my reward;
For it is where I’d always longed to be.
And yet what I can no longer afford;
The lure of the Gutter, that I now see.

The Stars sparkle still, ever compelling,
Yet I can’t help but ponder my descent.
Perhaps I should return to star-gazing,
Past versus future, confuses present.

Home-coming or home-going

This poem is written for a University of Glasgow competition, the theme of which is 'Homecoming'. It struck a cord with me, as I constantly feel my relationship and sense of place in Pickering or Glasgow changing with age and experience, which is hard to pin down as life in the two locations operate at very different speeds. The contrast between the two couldn't really be much greater. I wrote the poem in pentameter and it's the first I've written for a very long time... I just hope that next time it won't take a competition to entice one.


Ang-el-ic-al-ly and men-ac-ing-ly
my train crawls be-tween a house in the fields
and a flat in the street, sea-son-al-ly
I have prob-lems know-ing which to call Home.

Home-com-ing or home-go-ing, matt-ers not
the di-rec-tion, a di-lem-ma per-sists:
long-ing for ex-clu-sive com-mun-it-y
re-mains per-pet-ual-ly out of reach.

Here chal-len-ges, re-coils from, and ig-nores
There, which tea-ses, mocks, and is blind to Here.
Their grow-ing con-trast makes it diff-i-cult
to know my-self: I’m ei-ther Us or Them.

Or is mul-ti-pli-ci-ty health-i-er
than ex-ist-ing in a sing-u-lar nest;
the poss-ib-il-it-y for se-lect-tion
is a si-tu-a-tion u-nique-ly mine.

Home-com-ing or home-go-ing, I’m not sure
I be-long to Here AND be-long to There,
as to one I’m too old and to one too new.
Or in fact am I att-ached to the two?