We’re two dancing feet. We’re return train tickets. We’re wheels on a bike. We’re spare shoelaces. We’re two lost ducklings. We’re budget sunglasses. We’re backpack straps. We’re a double-yolk egg. We’re bookends. We’re 2 for the price of 1. We’re two jigsaw pieces. We’re two big sneezes in a row.

We’re two campfires raging despite the rain. We’re the good pair of scissors in the drawer. We’re two pillowcases left outside to dry. We’re the two coins found in the sofa. We’re the last two matches in the box. We’re the first two eggs to hatch. We’re the drumsticks bashing out a power ballad. We’re two nails holding up a painting. We’re the two points that won the game. We’re two keys jingling in a pocket. We’re two envelopes falling through the letterbox. We’re the chopsticks left in the bowl. We’re the open beak of a feeding bird.

We’re two pint glasses drying upside down on the draining board. We’re the two Christmas tree lights that never work. We’re the last two petals to fall from the bouquet. We’re the two minutes to go before the alarm goes off. We’re two leaves that blew through the open door before it swung shut. We’re the two ornaments missing from the shelf. We’re the jumpers they use for goalposts. We’re nightclub turntables with a mixer in between. We’re the front and back covers of a magazine. We’re two grains of uncooked rice that missed the pan. We’re two twisted cigarette stubs in the ashtray. We’re two raindrops racing each other down the window. We’re two mismatched socks that have been paired somehow. We’re two weeds growing up through the driveway. We’re two reserved seats at a restaurant. We’re the two drips that come out the tap when it’s turned off.

Be with me. No one else.


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Theatre preview: Macbeth @
Tron Theatre, Glasgow

Published by Metro

29 November, 1.30pm & 8.30pm, £4,
Tron Theatre, Glasgow.

After Alan Cumming's one-man Macbeth bedazzled audiences at Tramway back in June, you might have expected to be waiting donkey's years for another intriguing spin on this classic tale.

But low and behold, Shakespeare's 'Scottish play' — which delves into themes of ambition, desire and the supernatural — is getting another modern makeover for one night only at Tron Theatre.

The dramatist's shortest and bloodiest tragedy is given a shorter and boozier adaptation by director Liz Carruthers, and stars Daibhidh Walker as a man who's stumbled into the Merchant City venue's bar after arriving on the mainland via ferry from South Uist.

As the wanderer captures our imaginations with tales of power, obsession and treachery involving the great and the good of Gaelic Scotland, we try to work out whether he's been driven mad by the demands of the woman he loves, or just drunk.

Commissioned by Glasgow Life as part of its Gaelic Drama Development programme, Macbeth features extracts in Gaelic courtesy of Ian MacDonald's translation.

And, at only £4, it shouldn't make a dent in even the tightest of Christmas shoppers' budgets.


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Want to be successful? Just follow these 15 steps

1. Convince yourself you’re not a nervous wreck. Preferably around age five. 

2. Take piano lessons, go to football practice, spend your Saturdays in science museums. Whatever it is, find your ‘thing’. 

3. Learn only enough about losing to know you don’t like it. Build that resilience. Have high self-esteem heading into puberty. 

4. Study hard at school. Raise your hand in class. Stay up late doing homework. Win your teachers’ respect. 

5. Decide how you want your dreams to be narrowed down. Focus on developing specific strengths and skills. Set yourself high standards. 

6. Realise you won’t get anywhere just by ‘hanging around’ with people. Politely decline invitations to parties at university — instead make short-lived connections that are useful to your professional development. 

7. Get a place on a graduate scheme at a listed company and move to a big city. 

8. Establish an online presence. Start creating and sharing content. Make sure the right connections are seeing it. Maintain your personal brand. 

9. Get offered a job after the graduate scheme and haggle up your salary. Work insane hours. 

10. Unwind by going to the gym and scrolling through your LinkedIn feed. Enjoy a comfortable lifestyle without going into debt. 

11. Manage up. Get promoted. Feel that you’re somehow ahead of people. More accomplished, more specialised. More capable. 

12. Focus on nothing but your career for the decade that just whizzed by. Become a board member on the same day you find your first grey hair. 

13. Hire people, fire people, get it done. Make big decisions, outrun the pressure. Buy cars, houses and boats and never EVER ask yourself: ‘who am I doing all this for?’ 

14. Be approached to write an article about being successful. Sell the idea that somebodies act like this, while nobodies act like that. Encourage people to follow your path to success rather than find their own. 

15. Watch them rely on medication to treat their anxiety. Know they might have otherwise had happy, enriching lives with close family and friends — and been thankful for what they have in this world.


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