30.12.18

Writing your life: ode to a pen



Guess what I am: easily broken, easily lost and cheap to buy
That’s right, I’m a pen – and I usually help people write what they want, but listen up ‘cos this one’s all mine
I’m here to ask: what if the same pen stayed with you all your life?
Would you ever notice me there? Would I even catch your eye?

Let me tell you the story of Garry, who I was with for many years
For his 7th birthday we wrote out his wish list but he got none of it and broke down in tears
He got older and when he got bored, we carved stuff on trees like GAZ WOZ ERE
Once he handed me to his favourite footballer to autograph that Panini sticker album he still holds dear

Garry was from a broken home you see – he had to look after his mum
She made us write out shopping lists for matches, scratch cards and rum
Then we went around the supermarket crossing each item off one by one
And when we got back she’d start pouring trebles in the kitchen, and we’d be upstairs wondering when brighter days would come

Teachers fully expected Garry to be a tearaway at school
They’d give him night detentions for drumming beats on his desk, just because he thought it was cool
We were writing out lines as punishment when Garry put me down and decided to stop playing the fool
As he stared at the raindrops racing each other down the windows, he swore he’d be the exception to the rule

Something clicked that night, and fired with a new drive Garry felt reborn
We really knuckled down to his GCSEs despite the skivers and the squares’ scorn
I remember Garry chewing me nervously before that first exam, because he knew this was his time to perform
A couple months later his mum gave him a teary drunken hug when he told her: “I scraped into sixth form”

That was the start of so many great things, because it was there Garry met Elaine
To get her attention he’d roll me pensively against his lips to make him look mysterious, which felt pretty lame
But it worked, and soon we were writing her romantic letters received to great acclaim
Garry was falling in love for the first time – and the best part? She felt exactly the same

After sixth form Garry knew it was time to fly the nest
But he worried about leaving behind his mum, who was even more of a mess
She said she wanted him to leave this dump and do his very best
So me, him and Elaine moved to the city and signed for the cheapest flat they could find to let

It turned out to the best decision Garry ever made
Over the next few years he got good at that career game he played
Thankful, he was, for his humble background, which gave him the grit to take on new challenges unafraid
But we still sent concerned letters back home to mum, with stamped addressed envelopes for her to reply – the postage prepaid

Meanwhile, things between Garry and Elaine were going very well indeed
We spent some lunchbreaks and meetings doodling images of her, which is about as loved up as you can be
They were still head over heels, and between you and me
I wasn’t all that surprised when he got down on one knee

The suit tailor and I wrote down Garry’s chest, waist and leg measurements as the Big Day drew near
My proudest moment was signing the marriage certificate – we were so excited the ink was accidentally smeared
For some reason it was then that Garry’s mum started acting all weird
She stayed for the rest of the wedding reception but by the evening do she’d disappeared

It’s fair to say that over the next few years things weren’t as fun, free and wild
Garry and Elaine wanted a house, so endless lists of budgets and bills needed to be compiled
Work was pretty tough for Garry too, but for the first time in ages he smiled
When he got home at 10pm on a Friday and Elaine said she was expecting a child

They were living the dream with their new country home and beautiful young daughter Anna
Who after much debate had been named after Garry’s mum – her nanna
In the family Garry took on more of a parent role, while Elaine was very much the planner
Our favourite times were when we helped Anna perfect her handwriting and pen heartfelt letters to Santa

Garry was determined to give Anna the childhood he’d never had
He opened her eyes to the world and really was the best kind of dad
Then one day in the middle of winter, his mum called up sounding lost, troubled and sad
So Garry thought he’d cheer her up by taking the family to see her, but Elaine refused and that’s when things turned bad

He went alone, stayed for two nights, and when he returned his life had changed beyond recognition
Elaine and Anna had gone and on the table was a divorce petition
Elaine had used me to sign it along with a letter explaining her decision
She said Garry’s mum was to blame for creating a growing division

Garry hit rock bottom the day he moved out of their family home in the hills
It happened when we were writing down the meter readings to pay the final bills
He felt a strong surge of sadness and a pain that more than just hurt – it killed
From that day on his first glass of water on a morning was accompanied by a pill

Garry moved into a two-up, two-down, and couldn’t help feeling bitter
We’d write angry notes to neighbours about bad parking, stolen wheelie bins and litter
Even when Anna came to visit, Garry couldn’t stop talking about the way things were
It just made his daughter think her parents had it so much better before her

Things got worse when Garry’s mum was suddenly rushed to hospital
Liver poisoning it was – and everything the doctors could do was too late, too little
For the funeral we wrote an emotional speech, but his heart felt cold as metal
But he started to feel human again right after the ceremony when the dust began to settle

When Garry walked through his front door that night he opened some rum and poured a glass
He offered some to Anna, but she said: “no thanks, I think I’ll pass”
There was no TV in the house so we did a crossword – a hard one that put us all to task
Whenever we filled in a word it felt like the good old days when we’d write together in all those years past

Garry felt like a different man when he rose the next morning
A dark cloud had lifted and his spirits were warming
Over a strong coffee we started writing a poem of his life and realised this was our calling
When Anna woke up he read it to her and couldn’t stop his tears from falling

As she got up to give him a hug, she knocked me off the table and I smashed on the floor
They threw me into the trash and my final days were spent spooning a rotting apple core
There was no emotion when Garry realised I’d gone – he just got another pen out of the drawer
Don’t worry, I’m so disposable I’ve learned to expect nothing more

There are billions of pens just like me, so it’s fine if you get rid without saying goodbye
Just remember that we’ll spend some big moments together – happy or sad, laugh or cry
See, the sun may rise then set and people are born then die
But us pens remain mighty forever, and our ink will never run dry.



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