20.1.19

Off-Day



I'm having an off-day

But it feels worse than an off-day
It feels like the bad old days
When I ran away from teachers I refused to obey
When no one came out to play cos the sky was all grey
When it all became about how much booze I could put away

They said it was just a phase but it was a gateway to cocaine
Comedowns on rainy days washing my young hopes down the drain
I was destined for an early grave

Til she came along and took away my pain
Led me away from waste, hate and decay
To bigger, better and brighter days
She was from the other side of the tracks, her parents went to the ballet, for the matinee, drinking cabernet, on holiday in Marseille - a total cliche
Though I’ve got to say, they were kind of OK

But man she was my main aim
She made my pain go away
Made my heart fly to the Milky Way
Didn't matter how much more she got paid
Our love ran two ways
I was so lucky and I knew she felt the same

Man she set my heart ablaze
Through her I learned stuff I shoulda known anyway
She taught me not to expect praise
Taught me how to behave
Taught me not to accept come what may but find better way
Taught me Uruguay isn't pronounced U R Gay
Days I saw her were my favourite days
Cos with her, finally, I wasn't afraid

But I was easily led astray
Cos I was raised a tearaway
Addiction struck me down again
Getting into fights, having X-Rays
She never complained
But I knew after that it could never be the same
I'd pushed her away, my welcome outstayed
And now I’d never again wake up to her beautiful face
That privilege - gone to someone else unworthy to claim

I felt shame cos I was to blame
I wanted her back so badly I prayed
And I prayed
And I prayed
And I prayed

But nothing changed
That was three years ago and I still feel the same

I saw her walking with another guy just today
I didn't know what to say
Cos all those memories I hadn't erased
Came back and burned me like old flames
Then she saw me and held my gaze
Gave me a cute smile and threw me a cute wave
We both said "hey" and for a second we were together again

One and the same
Feeling pride not shame
Feeling love not hate
Feeling hopeful again
In that moment before she drifted away

Sailed past, leaving me standing there like a castaway
A single tear fell down my face, forever unclaimed
But I know it's me who’s to blame

Sorry man I got carried away, but anyway
That's why I'm having an off-day

That's why I'm having an off-day



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